My miracles...

I am a few days late in posting this...  but my "babies" turned 6 on Tuesday.  6 years have gone in the blink of an eye.  I still can't believe it.  I can fully remember clear as day being pregnant with the twins.  I can actually back this up even further...

My twins... my miracles...  my journey to have  you begin when  your brother turned 3.  Your father and I decided we would pursue having another child.  We started on the fertility road again.  A road that I thought was going to be a cake walk.  I mean, we knew what worked to have your brother, so it should be a breeze.  Boy was I wrong.  After months and months of shots and stopped cycles, I got the call that I had not been prepared for.  I had to move to IVF.  I remember crumpling into a heap on the floor crying.  The fertility doctor telling me the news, apologizing profusely because I was such a nice lady and he was sorry that he could no longer help me in my quest for a child.  I would need to start over at a new facility.  We had started back down this road in February, it was now November and I was no closer to having a child.  I look back and am not sure why I took the news that I would have to do IVF as such a death sentence.  it wasnt like he uttered the words that I would NEVER have another child.  I guess I was in shock that my body had betrayed me and gone further down on the conception scale.  This would mean harder more intense procedures.

I booked my appt with the new center, I couldnt get in until January.  UGH.  2 more months to wait.  But then again, I had been going on this road for 9 months, what's two more to wait.  Well this was just the initial consultation.  Once I started on the path of the drugs and the retrievals.  Well the clock starts ticking again.  Your brother turned 4.  Our quest was still ongoing.

I was put through a whole host of tests again, I was poked and prodded by everyone and anyone that was walking down the hall at the time.   I learned to give myself shots and was subjected to shots twice a day at times.  I went through 2 IVF transfers, only to have them fail.  The 3rd try was the charm.  This time I had 3 really good embryos, and a bunch more to be frozen.  The decision was made to put back 3 embryos using assisted hatch.  I know it was risky, the thought of triplets. Yikes.  But I decided to throw caution to the wind.  The transfer took place on August 14th.  7 months after my initial consult.  And 1.5 years since we  had gone back to try again.

I remember waiting the 2 weeks for the blood test.  I remember wiping myself raw checking for blood in that time frame.  This was always a dead give away that I wasnt pregnant.  I always knew once the bleeding started.  So I remember clearly the day I went in for blood work.  They said they would call with results.  This is one of the longest days of your life.  Waiting and waiting all day.  As I waited I wiped and wiped.  The hours ticked on 12. 1. 2. 3.  I was practically in tears when no call by 3.  UGH.  This could NOT be good news.   Finally before I was ready to leave the office, I got the call.  Congrats!  It's positive.  and the number is HIGH.  This means it is most likely multiples.  UGH.. Multiples?  REALLY?  I went in to make sure the number doubled.  Oh it did.  It skyrocketed.  Then there was the ultrasound to confirm.

I recall the tech saying.  Oh there are 2.  But one of their heartbeats was weak.  I had to come back in a few days to watch and see if both would be viable.

It was a scary time. Waiting.  I went back and both heartbeats were strong.  I was pregnant. With twins.  And so my journey began.

I had a great pregnancy.  I looked fantastic, I felt fantastic.  I had two little beings growing inside of me.  I was deemed high risk so I went weekly to the doctor, and at 28 weeks I was pulled from work.  It was nice to have the time with your brother before you were born.   We spent a lot of time going to our favorite store.  Target.

I spent every monday at the hospital having an NST done.  Miss Ava you were always the little dickens.  You would kick your brother something fierce.  I always said to the nurses, oh she's a spitfire that one.  And you sure are.  You are definitely sassy.  Braeden was always my laid back and content one.  He just took whatever it was that Ava gave him.  Like he still does today.

In the mean time your brother turned 5.

I cant believe it has been 6 years.  I remember the Csection and the doctor delivering you both.  I was in the hospital because my blood pressure had sky rocketed.  I had a scheduled Csection for the next week.  The doctor came to check me and said I was a time bomb.  He needed to take the babies NOW.  Within the hour you were born.  I was in a panic because your father was on his way to the hospital.  I  had no way of reaching him.  Would he  make it to witness the birth?

Braeden came out screaming, Ava in true Diva form had to give everyone a run for their money, and came out not making much of a sound.  I panicked that something was wrong.  But then I heard it.  The sounds of my two babies crying.

I loved  you from the moment I saw the picture of you as embryos.  I was so happy when I learned I was having twins.  I had your names picked out before I even knew you were boy-girl twins.  You have been loved from the beginning.

My sweet Braeden, you have your struggles with your sensory issues, but I am so proud of you.  You are my saving grace.  You melt my heart with your big freckles and infectious smile.  You are my truly sweet sensitive boy.  You give me the biggest hugs and love to snuggle with me.

My beautiful Ava.  My gorgeous daughter.  You are so smart and full of life.  You know what you want and are not afraid to take it.  I hope this spunk continues throughout your life. You are definitely not a shrinking violet.  You have an opinion and you let everyone know it.  You are a force to be reckoned with.

Mommy loves you both so much.  I look at you and hear your laughter and no matter what stress I am feeling, I melt.  Nothing else matters but the love that we have for eachother.

I know the past few years have not been easy.  Our family has gone through many changes, you were little when it all happened.  I have felt guilty for disrupting your little lives.  For creating all the changes and the strife.  But I am proud to say that we have gotten through the hump together. I will not and cannot say that there will not be other times of struggles in our future, but I know I am giving you the tools and the love to get through anything.  Together we can do whatever needs to get done.

My babies...  6 years old....  You kids are my love and my life.  My little miracles.  I never thought I could have enough love for 3 kids, but I do.  I have more love for all of you than you can ever know.