Yesterday was Valentine's day. A day that was created to make single people feel terrible about their relationship status. It's a day to profess your love for someone else. I am not exactly sure why there is ONE day for that. It's a day to pay double for cards, flowers, candy, etc. The rush to get something your significant other would like. It's commercialization at it's best.
I admit that I use to be a sucker for Valentine's day. All the cute little valentines you would pass out to eachother in school. I remember carefully selecting the appropriate Valentine to give to the boy I liked or to my best friends, etc. It was a painful process. I use to love creating valentines in school with red construction paper and doilies that I would fold and cut into a heart. Ahh.. good times.. good times. I love the little things the kids bring home.
I do hate how Valentine's day would make me feel when I was single. Like I was less of a person for not having someone to share my love with. Had I been wiser I would have realized that I had all I needed. I always have all I need. I had family and friends that loved me.
On February 14, 2000, I got the best Valentine's day gift ever. I gave birth to my first child. As I sit here today, I sit in disbelief that this baby that came screaming in to the world is now 11. He changed my life forever. He made me a mother. He taught me a lot of things. How you can have such joy and frustration in your life. Being a mother is a double edged sword, while it's rewarding, its also one of the most frustrating things in the world. I have never sugar coated motherhood. No one ever told me that with the joy, comes the pain. Life is not always easy being a mother. It's especially more difficult now being a single mother. There are days when I seriously think I can't do this. Days I want to check out of being a mother. Shed the responsibility. I mean half the time I have a hard time taking care of myself, how on earth can I be responsible for 3 others lives. Yikes. It's overwhelming.
But... then you hear the laughter and see the love. I love when the kids climb up on my lap and just want to snuggle. It doesnt happen as often as I would like it to, but it does happen. Even after the frustration when there are screaming matches going on, and I am beyond my breaking point. It takes only one little smile and an I am sorry Mom... that it all comes flooding back. The reason I became a mother. The reason that I did all this fertility stuff to have these three precious babies.
I still sit in shock that my "baby" is 11. Where has 11 years gone? So many things have changed in 11 years. I have a child that is on the cusp of becoming a teenager. A child that is on the cusp of going to jr. highschool.
My handsome big guy. The love of my life. I love you more than you can ever know. You are my oldest child and will always have a special place in my heart for being my firstborn. You are so much fun and sweet and so damn smart it scares me. You have your share of problems, and I do not always do my best in helping you through the tough times. What you go through on a daily basis is amazing. You constantly fight an inner beast that no one but you can understand. It frustrates me when I can't reach you and can't get you to let go of that inner fear and that inner beast. You are so special in more ways than you can ever know. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be your mother. You have made me so happy. My life has never been the same since you came into my life 11 years ago. These 11 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. I can only imagine the next 11 will go by just as fast.
Sleeping soundly at 4 years old
Embracing his inner Revere-ness
Going to Kindergarten
5th grade.. yikes.. time sure does fly...
Awww, what a cute tribute to your G. Seems unreal to me that he is 11 so I can only imagine how you feel thinking about that. I love that first picture of him sleeping and that Revere one is priceless!!!
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