Happy Mother's Day..

Ok, so tell me why again there is only ONE day to celebrate the most important people in the world.. MOTHERS.. Really? ONE day? That's it? We should be celebrated EVERYDAY or at least appreciated.. but I guess I am asking for miracles...

The past few Mother's days have been interesting. Life has been interesting to say the least. I never thought I would find myself at 35 single. But that day came and went. After having been in a relationship for the last 13 years, I have been going it alone for the last 2.5. It's been a crazy, strange, awesome, terrible, sad, insert any other adjective here, time.. but I would never change it for the world.

Here's the thing about me. I love my kids, with all my heart. But they are not what defines me. I needed to learn that the only person that can define me IS ME. I lived for so long being someone else.. I was someones daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, mother.. where was I in all of this though? For so long I put everyones needs before mine. I kept quiet when I should have spoken up. I had a voice, but I never knew how to use it. I sure as hell know how to use it now though. And while I love and adore my kids, on some days.. eh.. not so much. I learned a while ago, that I need to be true to myself in order to be true to my kids. That included making a lot of changes in the past couple of years.

Through all the bumps and bruises... through being knocked down, kicked around and dragged through the mud.. thrown under the bus, backed over.. I have gotten up each time.. dusted myself off and held my head high.. Ok, SOMEWHAT high..

I am not sure if it's the Zoloft.. or just me coming into my own, but I feel good. I feel better than I have in a long time. I feel content. I feel like ME.. I have so many good things in my life. Things that I took for granted. I thought in order to be whole I had to be a part of a couple. I thought I needed to find someone quickly so that I wouldn't be the sole lonely single gal running around. And because of that need.. I was settling.. settling for people that I knew would hurt me, but that I didnt have to make a real commitment too. I would get sucked in by their lies, but all the time, I waited for the other shoe to drop.. and it always did.

With help of my awesome family and amazing friends, I learned so much. I am so grateful to have family and friends that call me out on my bullshit.. When I was out of control, my sister would call and tell me straight up that was acting like a shithead.. when I would cry over some other loser, my friends would be supportive.. but always had to add the little.. I told you so.. so to my friends and family.. I am forever grateful to you all.. for helping me see the so called light. For standing by me when I needed it.

I was really able to appreciate Mother's Day today. I spent the day with the 3 kids. We had such a fun time. It was nice to see them laughing and having fun. It's sometimes hard just the 4 of us, but we manage. I am not the best mother in the world, and I know that, but heck, who needs to be the best.. as long as they know how much I do love them.. but I love me too.. I can't always be selfless.. I am at times selfish.. but I think it's important for them to see a strong happy parent.

So as I drink my wine on this Sunday, and reflect on what a great day it was.. I really hope this feeling of contentment lasts.. I finally feel good.. I finally am just going out and living.. Throwing caution to the wind.. Living in the moments.. enjoying them.. I don't know what tomorrow brings, and I can't stress about what happened yesterday.. I need to live for today..

I do know I won't settle for anything anymore.. I know I will continue to make "mistakes".. or be taught lessons.. but with each day I grow..

I am truly excited to see where this journey called life takes me..

Hang on.. it's going to be a wild ride.. (and a well documented wild ride.. ha ha)