Life imitates.. Life

Apart from neglecting my blog.. I have been doing much of nothing.. ok, that's not entirely true.  I have been reading a lot, starting walking again, or trying to.  Ok, so I could always WALK.. I learned that about 36 years ago.. but I mean I am walking in the morning. It's not been fun, but it's good for me.  I have upped my time to an hour now.  Heck, why not. I mean I am up anyway.  Why not make the most of it. Of course I would rather stay in my very comfy bed...

I recently got my annual review from work.  It was a really good review, which was nice to hear/see.  We do 360 feedback, so you get to tell the manager exactly what you think of someone.  Good times.  You always hope that someone thinks highly of you, but you can never be too sure how someone percieves you.  So needless to say, I get my review and review it.. a ha... come on, that was kindof.. ok, it wasn't funny at all.. but whatever.. I digress and move on.. 

Here's the funny/ironic part of my review.. the things that people pointed out about me, are things that I do in my personal/dating life.. Oh what are these things you may wonder...  well.. let's take a look see..  they were things like.. she has great gut instincts, and she needs to trust them more... umm yeah.. like I haven't heard THAT one about the guys I date before.. Yeah.. I  know he's a loser.. but no maybe not..  Umm.. yeah.. I need to trust my gut.. it's big enough.. you would think it wouldn't steer me wrong..  She needs more self confidence.  What?  Me?  NOOOOOO.. really..  She can tend to giggle too much when she is nervous.. Again.. really?  I had to giggle at that one..  I do giggle when I am nervous..  I can't help it.. 

So it was funny to see that how I am in my personal life is how I am in my professional life.  And in both aspects of my life I have people that really want to see me succeed. 

I looked at the review and then met with my boss.  I had highlighted the pieces I need to work on, and I said to her.. I just need to laugh (or giggle).. NOTHING in here is surprising to me..  This is exactly how I am.  Spelled out in black and white.  It's just funny that I didn't realize it was that apparent to the people I work with.  I like to think I am one way at work and one way in my real life.  But nope.  I am me.  For all my faults.  I am consistent.. or consistently inconsistent.  I don't know. 

For the first time in a LOOOONG time.. I took the feedback, and didn't take it to the negative place.  I saw these as positives.  Each person that commented on things like she needs to trust herself, all said that they know I have great instincts, am good at what I do and that I just need to trust myself.  I need to stop second guessing things and to step outside my comfort zone.  I am making a concerted effort to do just that.  If I have a question or an opinion, I am not going to  hold back, I am going to say it, express it, feel it..  My boss said that everyone enjoys working with me and that I bring a nice energy to the team and that everyone really wants to see and help me to succeed.  So it was really nice to hear and I was pretty happy to see that I  have these strong relationships in my work life as I do in my personal life. 

In my personal life I am ridding myself of the negativity and the people that want to keep me down.  Half the time it's me keeping myself down, but I am learning that I am worthy of lots of great things in life.  I have a good life.  I just dont appreciate sometimes.  And I need to start doing that more.  I have truly great kids, an amazing family and some of the best friends in the world.  I am now surrounding myself with a lot more positive people.  Strong females that look to empower me and I to them.  Relationships are about give and take.  And I like to be on a level footing with people.  Everyone is unique and has things to offer me and teach me, and I hope that I can reciprocate with them.  I never want to be the one that always takes and drains the energy from the room.  I want to give, but I also don't want to be the one that has to give all the time, because dammit I deserve to be taken care of sometimes too. 

It's amazing how much I have learned about myself, am learning about myself.  I said it feels like I have woken up to a fresh pot of coffee (not that I like coffee..  but I do enjoy the smell of it..).  That I am finally seeing things and people for what they are.. not for what I percieved or wanted them to be.

I am just going to keep on truckin...