Somedays...

Somedays.. I don't want to be the adult..  I don't want the responsibilites of being the adult.  I don't want to make all the decisions.. 

Somedays.. I feel just like putting on some sappy sad music and throwing myself a little pity party. 

Today is one of those days..  I seem to be in a bit of a funk.  So many weird things have been happening.  People from the past surfacing.  The people that have wronged you and you have pushed away.. the very ones that have the ability to shake you to the core, even though, you have dealt with the fallout from them, and have filed it away. 

I always wonder why these people can do this.. or maybe the question is why do I LET them do this to me.  I mean after all, I am the one responsible for how I feel.  Others can say or do things, but at the end of the day, it's me that needs to decide how to process this.  I am the one responsible for how I let people affect me and my life.. 

With all my learning, growing and changing, it's the part I still  have issue with. 

I had found this quote a while back, and have it posted on my wall at work:

An obvious fact about negative feelings is often overlooked.  They are caused by us, not by exterior happenings.   An outside event prevents the challenge, but we react to it.  So we must attend to the way we take things, not to the things themselves. 

So today is one of those days..  when I sit and reflect on things.  I guess today I am Melancholy Michelle. 

It's the day when you listen to sad songs, want to watch sad movies..  sit on the couch and have yourself a good cry.  Maybe once and a while you need to have a good cry.. I don't know. 

Somedays I wonder if I ever will figure out my life..  my guess is not really.  Life will always stay one step ahead of me.. when I think I have things under control, and am getting the hang of it..  something happens to change it.. sometimes its someone that happens along to change it. 

So for now.. I will continue with my imagery to get me through the days that I feel down..  These people that have resurfaced, I envision myself sweeping them with a large broom..  off of my sidewalk.. and in to the gutter...