Since Oct 93 I was part of a couple. It was Michelle and Dana. With this came an inherited family. A family that I watched grow and expand. We added members, we lost members, we created a life, a family. We were a unit. I was part of the Roberts Clan.
The relationship came to a halt in Nov 07. 14 years worth of being part of someones family. A family I was part of. I struggled with not only losing my marriage (yes, it was what I wanted and needed to do, but still its a struggle) but losing an entire part of my family with that. Everyone was in agreement that just because it was no longer Michelle and Dana, we were all still family. And they are my family. They are my kids relatives. I am forever tied to them. I was niaeve to think that I would still be able to have the same relationship that I had with them. While I tried to and they tried to, there was a shift. It is only natural. Especially not being married in to the family. My role as Mrs Roberts was passed on to someone else. They had a new family member. I was now relegated to the mother of the kids, as the ex wife.
Having not seen half of Dana's family in a good 3 years, I didn't realize how big the space had gotten. I recently attended a spa day with all of my sisters in law (well now ex) and my ex husbands new wife. While I knew it would be awkward, what I didnt realize was how strange it was going to be. I was not part of their lives anymore, and they were not part of mine either. It became apparent that sometimes relationships just change and fade away.
I have great memories to take with me of my time with them. But it is clear to me now that it is time to let go and move on.
This past weekend I also attended a bbq to celebrate my ex and his new wifes nuptials. This time more of the family was there. My BF and I sat at the same table with them to eat our food. It is then when I really realized that my time in the Roberts Family Fold was over. I was no longer part of that family. And while I am sure they didn't realize what they were doing, they were pushing me away. I sat amongst them, and while I had been in their lives since 93, 18 years of being part of someones family, I felt like a stranger. I could have been any other party guest that didn't know this group of people. Just someone looking for an empty space to sit and eat.
This is when I fully realized that it was time to let go. That my life has changed and I have changed and their lives have changed as well. We are all moving on and forward with our lives. It is not a bad thing. it just is.
Does it make me sad, yes. I tend to hang my hat on what I know. And I knew this family, they were my family for so long. But now I sit there and feel like a complete stranger around people I spent almost half my life with. It was pretty surreal.
You don't realize how much things change in the wake of a divorce. As much as you try to hold on to some sort of semblance of what you knew, there comes a point when you need to completely let go.
I will always maintain a relationship with Dana's family. We will forever be bound by my children. It is just the relationships have changed. and that is ok.
So I close this post in saying a big thank you to the Roberts family for welcoming me into your family all those years ago. For loving me and letting me be a part of your family. I have a lot of memories of our time together, some happy, some sad. We have been there through marriages, divorces, births, deaths. You will all always occupy a space in my heart.
Thank you for loving me.
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