Inclusion… Exclusion…

Tomorrow marks the first day of school. The first day of school for me growing up, always brought butterflies to me. It was a time of new beginnings, a time to get back in touch with my friends, a new school year. I loved school. I loved learning, and I got really good grades. I was a model student. I was the student that when my parents came to parent-teacher nights, the teacher would always say, I don't know why you show up, you don't need to. My parents got a lot of I wish the rest of my students were like Michelle. I wish they were as smart and focused. I applied myself, I didn't cause trouble or make waves. I was the round peg fitting in to the round hole. I was "normal".

The kids that marched to their own drum, were put in a separate class room. They were segregated from the general population. Only allowed to be part of the group for gym. They were kids that were differently abled than I was. We were taught to be afraid of these kids. Some of them had "problems", they didn't learn like the norm. They had outbursts, they couldn't focus, they had problems. I remember the classroom was across from mine. These kids were paraded around as the bad seeds. The kids no one knew what to do with because they didn't quite fit in with the general population. These kids were only allowed in the school because law states they needed an education. I have no idea what went on in this classroom. I don't know what the teachers taught them, or how they taught them. I just know they were not allowed to be in the general public. It was like we were living in the south and there was a special place for them, they weren't allowed to be part of the rest of the population. I am surprised there wasn't a special bathroom for them, no one wants to catch what they had. I think the feeling was if the regular kids were around this group, we would some how become dumb. We would catch their issues. What were their issues? Who knows. I know I don't. These were the kids that were labeled by the school as stupid. The ones that were discipline problems because they didn't fall in line easily. They were the ones that challenged the system. When people are different, we are afraid of them. We don't know how to relate. We weren't given the opportunity to befriend these kids. They were kept away from us.

Progress has been made in the education system. Most schools practice something called Inclusion. They put differently abled kids in the general population mix. Kids with autism, aspergers, dyslexia, etc are no longer shunned to a special room all day and treated differently. They are now allowed to sit freely with their peers. They are allowed to learn in a regular classroom. They are seen for the people that they are, not for their disability. They are no longer defined by the stigma of being in special ed. I love the idea of Inclusion. For selfish reasons because I am the mother of 2 kids that are differently abled. I think back to how school was for me growing up, and realize that my two boys would have been put in that special classroom. My two brilliant boys would have been segregated. They wouldn't have the opportunities they have. They wouldn't be able to excel in a regular classroom environment as they can now.

It saddens me when I hear parents say they are not happy that their kids will be in an inclusion classroom. I have 3 kids. One of them is what is called a model student. She is fortunate to not have any disabilities. She is placed in the class to help the kids that have disabilities learn. My kids are fortunate because the stigma of special ed and being different are taken away. All the students learn from eachother. My boys are prone to meltdowns, not because they are discipline problems, but because there is something inside them that is wired differently. My oldest son has aspergers. He is wired different. He can excel in some subjects, but others, forget it. He has a complete mental block. He has something internal that blocks him from it. He is learning how to manage it, but he will never be cured of it. There will forever be certain things that completely cause him to have meltdowns. Do you know how hard it is for me to let him go into the world? Do you have any idea how much angst I carry around with me, knowing that my sweet loving child will be the target of bullies? That because he sometimes cannot control his emotions, he will be picked on and ridiculed. It is even more difficult this year because he will be in middle school. Elementary wasn't as bad because he has been in classrooms with kids he has known since he was 5. These kids grew up with him, they accepted his limitations, they were there to lend a hand or a shoulder when he started to meltdown. They were the kids that would pat him on the shoulder and say, it's going to be ok. Had this been back when I was in elementary school, he would have been in the other room. He wouldn't have had the chance to meet the friends he did. He would have been with another group. Segregated from the general population. His friends knew that there were things that caused him stress and they could help him when they saw how he would melt down. Of course there were the mean kids that would make fun of him for it. But they were the kids that didn't understand what was going on with him. He knows he is different than other kids. Don't you think he wishes he was the same? I know selfishly that I wish he was. That life would be easier for both of us. I hate that I feel that way, but I admit, sometimes I do. Some days I am not sure I can handle this. But then I think, I am not the one that has to live this way. I am not the one that has to navigate a world where people can be harsh.

My younger son has Sensory Processing Disorder. He has problems both internally and externally. He gets it coming and going. Most people have one or the other. He has been "blessed" with both. Life will be hard for him. Picture yourself not being able to effectively filter out all of the stuff that goes on around you. That thoughts and feelings are being hurled at you a million miles an hour and you need to pick out what is relevant. Think of all the back ground noise that you are able to push aside and not even notice. He can't do that. This causes meltdowns for him. He gets overwhelmed. He needs to remove himself from situations, he needs to learn self soothing techniques. I know some parents look at him while he is melting down and think, oh god, here he goes again. I know there are parents that don't want their kids around mine. That he is a trouble maker, a discipline problem. That he is just having outbursts because he doesn't want to do something. They have no idea what he goes through, and they don't care to know. They just look at him and are ready to write him off. They are the parents that don't want their kids near mine. They don't see him for the highly intelligent, sweet loving boy that he is. The little boy that knows more about science and geography than I do. The little boy that can go to a map and tell you where states and countries are, as well as what their capitals are. But he has problems functioning when the class is too noisy, or directions to something are too long. He has a different learning style. He is getting OT and speech services. He sees a therapist to help him handle situations and teach him how to navigate a world that can be cruel.

My kids will always be the square peg trying to fit in the round hole. They will never fall in line. But because of the services that are available to them, they are fortunate to be a part of the regular daily curriciulum. They are allowed to participate in the general education setting, they are allowed to participate in school events, they are allowed to be a part of the community.

Do they require special attention at times. Yes, of course they do. People need to realize that they are not the only ones that need this. Your perfect child at times will need extra help. There is no need to be afraid of kids that are differently abled. If you stop and think about it, my kids will actually help your kids in the long run. They will be taught how to be tolerant of others that are not exactly like them. They will not look on with disgust when another kid has an uncontrollable melt down. They will not roll their eyes, or sigh under their breath. They will learn that maybe they can lend a hand when something happens.

I know that I live in a poorer community. My city has a stigma attached to it. I live in a very diverse and urban area. And I love it. I love that my kids are exposed to all types of kids, abilities, religions, nationalities. I love that my kids are color blind. They see people for who they are, not anything else. It's pretty sad when you see a kid that looks someone up and down. A child that passes judgement before they even meet the person. So my kids don't have the most expensive clothes, we don't live in an affluent neighborhood, we don't have a ton of disposable income. I do have to say my kids are well adjusted. They are not afraid to meet new people, people of different ethnicities or abilities. They are social well adjusted kids. They are quick to smile at other people, to engage them in conversation. If they see someone that looks shy, they will go up to them and try to make them feel welcome. They like to include everyone and not exclude them. I think a lot this comes from not only how I am raising them, but from their school environment. I am so fortunate that schools my kids attend have so many programs available to them. The schools are brand new and top notch. There is a real sense of community. My differently abled kids can get a lot of services in house that they need. It is because of this that they can be integrated and included with the general population. I am forever grateful for this.

Life is hard enough without subjecting kids to stigmas. Kids are a clean slate. They do not have prejudices. They are taught that. I am so proud of my boys for how they handle themselves, for learning how to manage what life has dealt them, I am proud of my daughter for being there to help other kids, for being a model student for those that need the extra help. I am so proud of her for wanting to be involved with everyone.

My boys lives will never be easy. They will forever fight this battle. There is no cure for what they have. They have to learn to deal with what is thrown their way. They will be judged and ridiculed by others that don't understand. I can only ask for tolerance from others. I know that some people will never understand what it means to have a kid with special needs. I can only hope that people stop and give my kids a chance. Give your kids a chance to be around kids that are differently abled. Don't be so quick to pull them out of a classroom or a school that participates in an inclusion program. You are doing yourself and your kids a disservice. I have heard people say they are worried about their kids being in an inclusion environment. That their kids wont get the attention they need because the teachers will be busy tending to these other kids. And while it is semi true, the kids sometimes do require a little bit of coaxing or attention, but your kid will not be dumbed down by being around my kids. And just because you know me and say that you weren't talking about my kids. Well in essence you are. You can't have it both ways. My kids are special ed kids, they are integrated in a classroom with regular, normal, perfect kids. When you say you are worried about your kids being around special ed kids, you mean my kids and I take offense to it. My kids aren't perfect and they never will be. They will always carry a stigma with them. Trust me, they know everyday of their lives that they are different. Try having your 6 year old or 11 year old come to you and tell you that they know they are different. That kids are mean to them because they had an outburst they couldn't control. Come over to my house when they are crying and I have to tell them that everything is going to be ok, when in truth I don't know if it will be. I know kids are mean and cruel, and that comes from their parents.

I can only hope that you never have to experience what it is like to be the parent of a kid with special needs. I try so hard to protect my kids. But I can only do so much.

And for the first time in as many years as I can remember, my son says he is excited about starting school. This is huge for us. I am so proud of him, and even when I am frustrated with him, and he with me, he knows that I am there for him, to fight the good fight. To educate people on tolerance. He is going to an entirely different school. A place in which neither of us know any of the players involved. I am proud of my son for how much he has had to endure over the past few years. He has had teachers that didn't understand him and his disability, that chose not to believe in the diagnosis. He has had to over come being picked on by teachers and students alike. Yes unfortunately there are still teachers that are not tolerant, but the number of excellent teachers he has had far outweighs the couple of bad ones he has had.

So in closing, I tip my hat to my kids. I wish them a successful school year. And am confident that no matter what is thrown their way, they will learn to handle it. I am so proud of my kids.