Would you...

If you had a chance to go back in time and change things..  Would you?  Do you ever think about what life would be like if you had chosen a different path?  If you had picked what was behind door number two, instead of number one?  If you had the insight to go back and relive some situations of your past.  Would you?

If you could rewrite portions of your story, would you?

I recently read this book



The premise was just that.  A married woman with a daughter, goes back 7 years in the past.  She gets the chance to do it all over again.  To go back to the relationship that she thought was the one that got away.  It really got me thinking.  What if you could do that.   What if you could take the insight that you have now, and go back and relive the moments.  What if you could get through the moments that back then you thought were  big things, only to realize that they were little things.  That the fights and worries, were nothing much.

It really hit home to me.  and it made me wonder.  What if I had chosen NOT to get married, where would my life be now.  What if I had the strength to stand up and say I don't want this, I don't want to be married just yet.  I have a lot of living to do.  I wonder what my life would look like now.

Would I be the person I am today?
Would I have the kids I have today?
Would I have the same friends, job, home?

If you could take a step back and see the big picture of your life, what is now and how you got there, would you change anything?  Do you stand there and think.. hmmm.. this is not  how I pictured my life to turn out.  I can tell you honestly, that I never expected to be standing here at 38, newly divorced, starting my life over.  This time with 3 kids in tow.  Navigating the dating world as a single mom.  Learning how to be me again, learning how to be a single parent, learning how to be a divorced woman when your friends are all still coupled.  Somedays I feel like I am standing on the edge of a mountain, I envision myself looking all around, not really knowing how I got here, or where to go from here.  I am figuring it out, day by day.  But it does make me think.. would I have spared alot of people the angst that my divorce caused them?

I guess I wouldn't want to change anything that has happened to me.  It has really shaped the person that I am today.  All my ups and downs, have made me stronger than I ever realized I could be.  There are of course moments, that I call "not my finest hours".  Decisions that I made that I sometimes wish I hadn't.

I would love to be able to go back and spend more time with the people that I loved and have lost.  I would love to be able to sit one more time on my Nana's porch.  I would love to  have had one more chance to wrap my arms around her and tell her how much I loved her and appreciated her.  It would be amazing to go back and see her.

The book really got me thinking.. about the times I thought what if..  about a guy, about a job, about just about anything...