Trouble.....

So I think I am in trouble... Ok.. I KNOW I am in trouble..  Why trouble you may ask?  Well as documented last post.... I admitted to meeting someone... All is going well... and this is where the trouble comes in. 

I have spent the last couple of years meeting the wrong people... I saw a Tshirt that said I don't make mistakes, I date them.  That Tshirt pretty much summed up my dating life.  I chose the wrong guys.  I think subconsciously...  and maybe sometimes consciously...  or unconsciously..  at least the latter would make the most sense as I look back and go what was I thinking...

Anyway..  So...  so far so good.  This scares the bejesus out of me.

A guy that is nice AND wants to see me.  What's his angle?   A guy that adores my kids, and isn't afraid of them. That wants to come over and spend time with me AND them.  I find myself apologizing for when they act all crazy, and he just laughs and says..  Relax.. they are kids... 

Things have been going pretty strong since the beginning of October.  I think we have spent pretty much every weekend together.  Again, this is a shock to me..  he wants to make plans with me, he calls us a "we"... and I have to ask for clarification...  who is this "we" you speak of... I am not use to being a "we".. It's been a "me" for so long... 

A week or so ago he brought up the idea of going away for a night.  Get away, get a hotel, have hotel sex (my personal fave.. ok, I know.. TMI... but heck..it's my blog.. I can say it...) just be able to enjoy being with eachother without any interruptions...   So we looked at schedules (getting away when you are single parents, is NOT that easy) came up with ideas, etc..  Here is the part that is weird for me..  He took the ball and ran with it.  I offered suggestions on where we could go, etc.. he immediately went and started researching hotels, locations etc..  this impressed me.  Seems so simple right?  So our original date didn't work out, he asked if i could a whole weekend away..  I was floored....  Wait WHAT?  Can I get a WHOLE weekend away...  You mean you want to spend a WHOLE weekend away with ME?  ME?  NO kids, nothing.. just you and me.. I checked my online calendar, found a weekend that worked, texted the ex and said..  I am going away for the weekend...  We talked about a few places,he continued to check out things.. I told him I didn't care where we went... So... short story long...  I get a text yesterday telling me that he has looked in to 4 different places... called them... and decided where he wants us to go.. and it's a surprise.. I have NO idea, for now..  where we are going..  but this is the thing.. with my ex.. this would have all fallen on me.. if I wanted us to go away, then I would have had to have booked it... thought of where to go, when to go, called, researched and what not..  booked it.  So it's unbelievable to me that someone else took the initiative.  And most of you know..  I am someone that needs plans..  and I like to have concrete plans..I will ask and follow up a million times..  It's why I tend to be the one that arranges the dinners for the girls... I like to know that we have a date, time and place all set...  And I hate to be the one trying to coordinate...  ok, I have a love hate relationship with planning things.  So for someone to take an idea, run with it...  it's just completely amazing to me.  I can't even tell you how weird it is for me. 

So yeah, I am in trouble. Huge trouble...  I am smitten....  I am afraid.  I know I need to just go with it and not let my crazy and my past bleed too much in to my present.  I hate that I always feel on the edge... like I am just always waiting for the other shoe to drop... Like I am teetering on the edge.  I hope one day to realize that sometimes people are exactly as they present themselves to be... not everyone is a wolf in sheeps clothing.  It is possible for a guy to be what he says he is... and to do what he says he will.  To show up when he says he will.   I have big issues with trust and follow thru. I have big issues with feeling like I have been played a fool, that the joke is on me. 

I am trying to let go and just live in the moment.  It is hard.  but I am learning. It's nice to have someone that wants to see and be with you... and wants to be around my kids.  and wants me to be around his kid.  The three of us went to dinner the other night.  He said his daughter is really comfortable around me, and that is amazing. His ex and daughter had a jealousy issue.  I said well I know your daughter is your #1 in your life, the best I can hope for is to be #2....  or maybe #1A...

So for now, things are going well...  and it definitely scares me.  Scares me to think that I could have someone to share my life with...

Stay tuned to see how this all unfolds...