Once again, my little family has been dealt a blow. Again, I am trying to keep things in perspective. The news we received was not "that bad", but it isn't "that great" either.
My amazing oldest son has been diagnosed with Tourette's. Now before you go running for the hills and pulling your children away from him when you see him because you are afraid he will be shouting obscenities, he does not have the form of Tourette's that causes obscenity outbursts. That form of Tourette's is actually a very small percentage. It just seems to get the most headlines. I mean what is more appealing? To talk about a person with Tourettes that has uncontrollable obscenity laced outbursts, or the one where the person has uncontrollable facial ticks? Obscenities are more "glamorous", so it's how the disorder is known.
Once again, it's a spectrum disorder, and there is no magic pill to cure it. Griffin and the rest of us will have to learn coping and managing skills. It seems that the ticks are more apparent when he is stressed out. I noticed he was ticking during the weeks leading up to the MCAS testing. At that point, I was not sure what was going on, just that something didn't seem right. I finally got an appointment with the psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with Tourette's. I know he is capable of overcoming the obstacles that this will present. I just wish that he didn't have to. Isn't it enough that he has Aspergers? Now he has to deal with this on top of it.
I know it's not the end of the world. He doesn't have a terminal illness. It is just another thing that he will struggle with his entire life. It is just another thing that makes him different from everyone else. As he gets older and becomes more aware of the people around him, he will begin to notice. He already knows that he doesn't always fit in.
I am sure Griffin is destined to do great things with his life. I, as his mother wish that I could take away any pain and heartache he will encounter because of his conditions. He is such a smart, sweet, funny, loving boy. I say that not because he is my child, but because he is.
I can only try to do my best to help him. I am not always good at it, I admit I feel like a failure sometimes when it comes to him. My fuse is sometimes too short to deal with him, I sometimes lock myself in my room and have a pity party. A why me... but I guess that's selfish. I am not the one that has to live in his body. I am not the one fighting the inner demons. I am not the one that has issues with impulse control. The one that would get in trouble for not being able to control himself or his outburst in school. The one that was labeled a discipline problem, when he was doing things that are truly beyond his control. He can sometimes manage the behavior but he can never quiet it completely.
So we will deal with this set back. We will work on ways to cope and manage the condition.
I am glad that I have a good support system. I am thankful to the school for being right there, willing and able to help him manage his condition. I am glad that I do not carry the "not my child" attitude. I know something was not right. I listened to what the teachers were telling me, even when they couldn't formally say things. I credit Griffin's preschool teacher with being the first person to let me know that something was different. It was Griffin's inability to interact with other kids, his inability to make friends, the stress that came with trying to transition to other activities, the tailspin he would set himself in when he didn't know what he was supposed to do next. She met with me and put things in place to help him. She taught him how to go up to other kids, to interact with them. She put processes in place to help him learn to transition to other activities. She worked with him to come up with a plan so he would know what to expect next. I am forever grateful to her. She spent 2 hours 2 days a week with him, and she knew something wasn't quite right. I first chalked it up to him being an only child. Yes, he was around other kids, and he could be social, but he didn't know how to approach other kids. The kids he came into contact with were what I call forced friends. They were the kids of my friends. I took out the hard part. I brought the kids to him. I look at him today, and at 11 he can make friends (which is hard for kids with Aspergers), he can be social (albeit, he is a bit socially awkward and always will be). I see all that he has overcome so far in his 11 years, and I am amazed by his resilience. I am proud to be his Mom. I am often frustrated by him, but I am so proud of him.
If I could offer a bit of advice to any parent, it's listen to your instincts. If you think something isn't quite right, then it is possible that it's not. Listen to what the teachers are telling you. They are not always allowed to come right out and say something, but in the way they ask questions, or the little things they tell you that make you go hmm... I know that several of Griffin's teachers were telling me things that I did not immediately get. I know they couldn't tell me straight out, but I put the pieces together finally. And I look back to the way they approached me, the way they asked me questions. I have to say that Braeden has benefited from what I have learned going through things with Griffin. I noticed something seemed off with his behavior. I brought it up to the teachers and they watched for it. First chalking it up to his age, his gender, etc, but then realizing that there was more to the puzzle. So now he is getting help for things.
So start the conversation. If you have concerns about your child, talk to their teachers. They are the ones that are around your kids the most. They spend a good chunk of time with them. They see other kids and can draw a comparison. They are an amazing resource. And I feel forever grateful to the great teachers that Griffin had. He did have a couple of not so great teachers, that chose not to believe or help him. But to draw a positive from them, he learned that he had to deal with people that weren't always going to help him. They have helped him learn some skills that will be invaluable to him in life. So for that I thank them.
I know this is just a minor setback, and together we will make it over the hurdle. Life keeps throwing us curve balls, but it's our ability to deal with them that makes us who we are.
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