Passing the torch...

This weekend I did something that I know very few can fathom.  I stood witness to my ex husband getting married.  I was one of the few people invited to the wedding. Yes, I was there for the kids sake, but I was actually invited to the ceremony, not just invited to bring the kids to it.

It was a very simple ceremony and it was really lovely.  It was weird to stand there and watch someone pledge to someone else, what they once pledged to you.

I have always prided myself on being able to put the needs of my kids before my own needs and feelings.  My marriage ended, and while I was never bitter from it, I was severely damaged by it.  It was a lot to go through, and I am still going through it.  I still feel the aftershocks of the earthquake.  Yes, the earthquaked happened almost 4 years ago now, but still, the aftershocks still have an affect on me.

My ex and I have a great relationship.  We have managed to do what so many cannot do, we have maintained a civil and loving relationship for the true benefit of the kids.

It was really hard to go through the separation and divorce and watch the kids suffer for it.  There were definitely times when I didn't think any of us would make it out alive.

But we did.  And we did it together.  All of us.  Both my ex and I.  We made sure to handle the situation as civil as we could.  Neither of us believed in belittling the the other one.  We always treated each other with the utmost respect.

Our marriage didn't work out.  We were not destined to have the fairytale ending.  Our series had a finale.  We were not ones to go the complete distance.  We did the half marathon.  If was all that was written in our story.  Our book was only supposed to have the set amount of chapters. Our story had a beginning, a middle and an end.

I was glad to be able to go and stand there and witness my ex, the father of my children, marry someone that is probably better suited for him.  To watch him start the new book of his life.  This book will have some of the same characters, but it goes in a completely different direction.

I was so proud to stand there and watch our three kids be able to participate in this special day with their dad.  They were so grown up and I was able to look on and watch with love.  To see how much love my ex has for our kids, and to see how much love my kids have for him and their new stepmother.

Saturday I officially passed on the torch of Mrs. Roberts.  I am no longer Mrs. Roberts.  My turn at playing Mrs. Roberts has ended.  It's anothers turn.  I wish my ex and his new wife a world of happiness.  I can only hope that they will go the distance, and that the kids will know only happiness when it comes this marriage.

I want the kids to see positive strong adult relationships.  I want them to see what a happy solid marriage looks like.  I never want them to view marriage and relationships in a negative way.  I have taken great pains to avoid that.  I have taken great pains to not have them be witness to the negativity.  When I would be upset or hurt about the demise of my marriage, I never let the kids see that.  I never once talked poorly about their father.  I never want them to ever think anything but good positive thoughts about their father and his new wife.

My family is now considered non traditional.  My kids have a mother and father, yes, that's traditional, but now they have a few extra people thrown in to the mix.  When they question what life will have in store, how this new person fits in, I tell them that there are more people to love them.  And being loved by a lot of people, that is a great thing.

Life is hard.  The kids have learned this lesson at a young age.  You try your best to protect them from harm.  I carry guilt for inflicting  a lot of the harm on them, but at the end of the day, I know that I have tried to do my best for them.  To keep them safe, to love them, to protect them to the best of my ability.  I could have easily stayed for the sake of the kids.  I chose to go for the sake of the kids.  and in the end, that was the best decision for all of us.  We could have stayed together and tried to pretend, but I think had we attempted that, then the outcome would have been different.  There might have been less civility.  There might have been resentment.  There might have been fighting and disrespect.  There might have been nasty comments made, and put downs.  There might have been so much tension you could cut it with a knife.  Silence that was so loud its deafening.  Before any of that had a chance to  happen, we parted ways.  We continued to move the ball forward and get in a better position.  A position that would benefit and help shape the lives of our kids.  Some things aren't worth saving, some things need to be ended in order for new and better things to begin.

And this is where I am today.  New and better things are in store for me.  The torch is officially passed.

In closing I wish my ex and his new wife, a lifetime of love and happiness.

Here are some pictures from the wedding.