Ok.. so Calgon isn't taking me away.. but my guy is.. Yup.. finally.. the big weekend is approaching.. and FAST approaching. While I am anxiously awaiting spending an entire weekend kid free with my main squeeze, I am also stressing it, big time.
I know.. what? Wait.. STRESSING a romantic weekend away with the one you love, to a place.. well what place.. I have no idea still.. (can you believe I STILL have NO idea where in the world he is taking me) that it will be just me and him (ok and another of our couple friends). No kids, no responsibilites, nada.. Just time away to enjoy eachother. Relax and enjoy.
Relax? What's that mean?
I am so stressed out right now about this, it's making me sick. My neck and shoulders are in knots. Why you may inquire? Well let's see.. the last time I went away for a weekend, I got a text smack dab in the middle of a beautiful relaxing weekend. The text you ask? Well it was from my darling ex... to basically tell me how rotten one of the kids was being.. gee.. thanks.. there I was.. enjoying the relaxing, quiet calm of Maine, and I get texted about the kids acting up. Ummm.. gee.. thanks. What am I supposed to do about this.. 3hours away and what 300 miles away. I dont know. I wasn't about to go home. He is their father and needs to learn to deal with the moods of 5 year olds. Why is it that my work is never done? As a mother, I can't ever go away and turn it off. I am always worried about the kids acting up when I am not there. Do they act up for me? Absolutely. Do I call their father everytime to tell them that? Nope. Why? Because it's what kids do.
I know this is a simple concept. When the kids go with their Dad.. they go with their Dad.. I should only be alerted to something when there is an emergency. Has someone fallen down, are they in the Emergency Room, has there been an accident? No. Well then leave me the F*ck alone. Seriously. I want to be able to go away and enjoy my weekend. He gets to enjoy weekends away with his lady. Why can't I be afforded the same luxury with my guy?
So I am going to have to put my foot down and say.. PLEASE do NOT call/text/email/skywrite/send a homing pigeon this weekend. I am OUT. Done.. Pretend I do NOT exist this weekend. I sent a lovely worded email, putting the blame on no one... but asking quite nicely.. to be left alone this weekend.. and he has agreed to not even contact me if one of the kids is burning the other with the severed limb of the third sibling...
I am trying so hard to get rid of the knots in my neck and shoulders. I am trying to relax. It's hard for me. I know it's stupid and it should be a no brainer. but it still is affecting me. And I know that I need to just let it go. Just breathe. Think of the fun I am going to have. The fun of being whisked away to a place that I have had not had to plan one aspect of. To spend time with the guy that I adore. To have lots and lots of sex (I know.. TMI.. ). Even more than that.. to wake up for 2 WHOLE consecutive mornings next to him.. To lay in the crick of his arm and feel safe and loved. Things that are taken for granted. It's hard to get that time in when you are single parents.
I honestly had shut myself off for so long to the intimacy of a relationship. For so long I had been so closed off to letting someone else in. It's very scary to allow someone to hold you close and lay still and be still. I have a hard time with it. But now that I have been doing it. I realized how much I missed it. How this had been lacking for me, for some time now. I now hate when we can't wake up together. I hate when we can't lay there, and I can trace the curves of his body with my fingertips. That I can't everyday feel the electricity and how excited I feel when I touch his skin. When he kisses me. All the good stuff..
I get to experience this for the whole weekend. I am sure that the weekend will fly by in the blink of an eye. Reality will be presented back to us soon enough. I am going to try to live in and enjoy the moments that we have together. Soon enough it will be Sunday and we will be on the way home, back to our real lives. Back to the daily grind. Back to having to sleep apart.. Back to the stresses of daily life. Money woes, Christmas woes, kid woes, work woes....
Anyway.. it is my hope to one day figure this all out.. to figure out this thing that is my life. It's a balancing act. Somedays I can get through it like clockwork, and say, hmph.. this is no big deal, I got this.. and other days.. I want to say.. Holy Shit.. I have NO idea what I am doing.. I do NOT have this at all.. In fact.. this has got ME!
So only 3 more wake ups.. and then we are off.. to where.. I dont know.. and I really dont care.. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment